Stop Being Insecure! Start Loving Yourself!

Get your coffee cup ready. This post is long. I'm already wordy and long-winded, but give me a topic I'm passionate about? You're in trouble. I wanted to write this post because I'm an insecurity fighter! I've done battle with the beast for far too long. I feel like I'm on the cusp of vanquishing him, or at least shrinking him down to ant sized where the most he'll do is bite my toe every so often. These are the things that need to be said because so many of us struggle. I'm so tired of hearing my friends bash their own bodies, or call themselves mean names, or think that they don't measure up for any number of reasons.

 Maybe it's the Leo in me, or my Pentecostal upbringing, but I'm mad. I'm mad at the state of women. Of little girls that think they don't matter if they don't look, act, feel, dress, a certain way. I'm ready for a wave of women's self love to roll down all across our planet. Women are the givers of life (with all do respect God). We are completely, 100% BADA$$. We can cook a meal, run a home, a business, a farm, chase our dreams, all while carrying the holy bestowed gift of feminine beauty. And we carry it with strength! We love with passion and are fiercely devoted to our friends and families. And I'm sick of us short changing ourselves. Sick of us doing battle with our minds and being weak willed. I'M TALKING TO ME. This is ending now ladies. A change is gonna come. I want to help others see what I'm beginning to see. That it is not only possible, but necessary for you to love every hair on your body, every freckle on your face, every line, every dip, every curve, every kink in your hair or your personality. All the wonderful and unique traits that make you, YOU! It's time for us to celebrate ourselves AS WE ARE. Do we have room to grow? Of course. Are we all works in progress? You got it! But are we absolutely F$#!@& amazing?? Uh, YES!

For as long as I can remember, and as far back as I can think, I've had insecurities. Now I can blame them on a whole host of things from my past; bad relationships, my childhood, etc. etc. But the fact remains that I'm almost 30. I'm a grown a$$ woman now. There comes a time when you have to let go of the past and fix yourself. You can blame who you are on the past, but who you will become is up to you. 100%.

My insecurity has come and gone in many forms throughout my life. Sometimes I've felt insecure about my looks, my performance, even my very existence. Insecurity sucks. It holds no punches. It comes for you. Every little perceived flaw. Every little mistake or misstep. It slams you down into the dirt.

For some, the inner critic's voice is louder than all others and can't be silenced. At least not without a fight.

I've gone through many changes over the course of my life. Like layers being peeled off, I've slowly come to be able to live with and love who I am at my core. Yet even though I've come so far in my fight against my inner demons, I find that I still battle insecurities.

I thought being with a wonderful, loving man would fix my self-love struggles. However, all it did was intensify them! It brought them out in the open. I began wondering why he would stay with me. He was so awesome, surely he wouldn't want to be with me. On the outside, I seemed fine, but inside a storm constantly raged on as I tried to make myself seem as good as he was. But this is no way to be in a relationship. Relationships are about two people getting raw. Being real. Being themselves, and loving each other for who they really are deep down, flaws and all. Insecurity keeps you from being able to be truly vulnerable with your partner.

Insecurities stem from the problem of low self-esteem, or low self-worth. You see yourself as inadequate, not good enough, not worthy. Low self-esteem is a mental health problem that bleeds over into every single area of your life. You can't be a good wife with low self-esteem. All you will do is leech onto your partner and drain them of the life and love they have. You can't be a good parent with low self-esteem. Your children will learn from you and copy all the insecure traits you pass down. Not to mention, low self-esteem leads to anxiety, which leads to frustration! You can't be a good parent if you're in a constant state of frustration! Try following your dreams and pursuing your passions when your mind is in a permanent state of "I can't."

Low self-esteem is a monster. It can steal your happiness, make you think you need medication, and leave you feeling uncertain, unstable, and lost. I know because I've lived with it and constantly fight the good fight against it.

One thing I love about myself (self-love statement) is that I am very self-aware. If there is anything going on with me, I always know what it is, why it is, and how to fix it.

HOWEVER, when I get to fixing it, and how successful I am, is up for debate.

I've realized lately that many of my issues, stressors, and frustrations were linked to that same, lurking insecurity. Low self-esteem is not something you can bury and pray it dies over time. It has to be dug out. Like a root that's buried itself deep into your soul.

Lately, I've been using the shovel of self-love and acceptance to help me dig this bitter root out for good! I'm going to be 30 in a month, and there's no way I'm bringing Mrs. Insecure with me into my glory days. I'm digging her b#$c! a$$ up and leaving her on the curb for the vultures to pick at.

Here is the strategy I'm using to rid myself of self-doubt and insecurity. This could be a whole series, and I plan to write more on it. For now, here's a vague overview. An action plan. Some steps you can take to start heading in the right direction.

Steps to Being Less Insecure and Having More Self-Love

1. Exercise 15 min a day (Exercise has been shown to be effective in battling negativity, depression, and anxiety. It also makes you feel good about yourself because you're taking care of your body, which brings me to step 2.)
2. Love your body (Regardless of your perceived flaws, love it and appreciate it as the temple which houses your soul. Feed it well (veggies and fruits), dress it well (have your own style and wear things that make you happy!) keep it healthy (exercise, and don't overdue alcohol, etc.) 
3. When you look in the mirror, be aware of the inner critic and make a note to say something uplifting about yourself every time (Ex: D@m!, I'm sexy. See the beauty you possess. Highlight your strengths and focus on your beautiful eyes, lips, hair, skin, etc.)
4. Practice meditation (Lately I've been using the phrase, "I am lovable, loving, and loved." I repeat it for 5 minutes while sitting alone quietly in meditation pose. Then I go over all the reasons why I'm lovable and what makes me lovely. I mediate on my love for my family and their love for me.)
5. It's worth pausing here to address the fact that low self-worth is almost entirely a mental issue. The battle for your self-esteem and peace of mind lies... in your mind! So much ground can be conquered by recognizing the inner critic's voice and choosing to shut him down! The old adage of the two wolves doing battle in your mind is true! The one who wins the fight is the one you feed. 
6. Concentrate on changing the way you think about yourself (This step takes some self-awareness. You have to realize that the fight for your self-esteem lies in your mind. When you think a totally out of bounds thought about yourself that's negative, replace it with something more realistic. Ex: "I'm a failure." Replace with: "I'm a normal person who makes mistakes."There is nothing wrong and everything right with boosting your head up! You are a beautiful human being who is uniquely crafted with gifts and abilities all your own. Revel in it!)
7. Realize you're not alone (Millions of people across the world struggle with feeling insecure.)
8. Study (There are tons of great resources for growing in self-worth, whether they be YouTube videos, books, or blogs, like this one!)
9. Practice gratitude (However low you may feel about yourself, you are HERE! You are alive to read this post. Breathe in. Breathe out. You are blessed and have been given a gift that most don't posses any longer. Whatever your struggles are, there are blessings you can highlight. Start small if you have to. "Eyesight, a body that can get you from point A to point B, the health of yourself or your loved ones, a home with a roof!" You're better off than most and focusing on what you do have can change your mood dramatically.) 
10. Keep a journal (List every day 5 things you're thankful for and 3 things you like about yourself. So much of changing your self-worth is about creating and sustaining positive habits! You got where you are by letting negativity take control. Turn the tides by implementing positive habits. A few positive habits each day can lead to a positive life!)

At the end of the day, most of our struggles with insecurity lie in an incorrect view of ourselves. Gaining a new perspective on oneself is necessary! This is done by being thankful for all that you do have, focusing on your strengths rather than your weaknesses, and implementing positive habits that can over time, replace the negative strongholds you've built up in your mind. 

This list is by no means exhaustive, just a few tips and habits I'm using to help myself grow and strengthen my self-love muscle! I hope it helps and encourages you and that together we can learn to truly love ourselves well!